TP

The first thing that I would like to say is that finally I passed my SAF Driving Test.

After two and half months of training and being under intense mental stress, I passed the test on the third attempt. Hours of driving and months of staying in have paid off, as I earned myself a SAF driving permit and a certificate. This course may have been a breeze for many, but it was a struggle for me. At the start, I can’t even steer the vehicle straight. Although I easily aced through the theory and parking tests, my driving skill only improved slowly with time. When it comes to reacting to road situation, I was totally lost. A few left after the first TP, and more people were gone as the days passed, and in the end, there were only five of us left in the group. Fear and despair began to creep in and our morale is as low as it could get. And then one day the other four passed the test together and suddenly I was left alone. Booking in, staying in, eating breakfast and worse of all, facing the instructors every day all by myself.

This period was probably the most difficult time in my NS so far. Luckily there was Mr. Lee and my parents who helped to encourage me. They gave me valuable advice on how to face what life throws at me, recognizing our strength, weakness and emotion so as to better manage them. Every obstacle leaves its mark on the person who crossed it and accumulating experience so that we can face the future more prepared. I have learnt some lesson the hard way.

走出失败

在古代，人们被封建思想所迷惑；现在，人们一样是某种运作模式的奴隶。整个系统就像一个过滤器，只有符合条件，能成功地从洞中穿过去，才会被人尊敬。所以成千上万的人都绞尽脑汁，想方设法得像狗一样钻了过去。剩下的那些过不去的就自然而然的被喻为失败者，纵然你有一身本领，也只好接受这无奈的现实。

失败常常是这样残酷的。不管是千百年前的科举，还是到现在的考试，这种淘汰系统是长存的，只不过是变了个形势，换了个名字。

失败是成功的影子，虽然没有它绚丽多彩，却保留其轮廓。如果你失败了，你已经看到成功的影子了，千万不要气馁。就如五月天的“倔强”的歌词。

“我不怕万人阻挡，只怕自己投降。”

眼前一切如常。该睡得都睡了，在陪我熬夜的人们借着灯光做着自己的事情。我体会到，这个世界，是不不会为一个人的失败而有所改变，而无数的失败造就了这整个世界。

失败

我失败了。更确切地说，我进入了失败的身体，因为我清楚地感受着失败的一切----他急促的心跳，他颤抖的双手。

事情是这样的。

放假前在准备考试之暇，我在盘算着假期里做些什么，除了休息玩耍，也计划专心学习点数学。可是，假期已过半，我整天不是与喧杂的收音机和电视机为伍，就是在外逍遥自在，根本无暇顾及在‘小憩’的数学课本。我对知识的渴望是无法餍足的，但我对于现状的执著是一副更有束缚力的枷锁，似乎永远牵制了我追逐改变的动力。

那天下了大雨，伫立在牖前叹息。一阵阵微风吹过，猛然觉得骆驼祥子和我有相同之处。曾经是抱负不凡的青年，妄想着在各自的圈子里干一番轰轰烈烈的事，结果都失败了，成为懦夫，跪在地上偷生。不同的是祥子是一个硬汉子，它是受到腐败的环境的迫害，而我，骨子里的决心都已经腐烂了。

在一个失败者的眼里，空气里是充满了黯然之气而饱和，风更告诉我要闪开，因我已无力抵挡风的力量。失败是希望的蹂躏者。他用硬爪似的双手，掐着希望的脖子，就像我一样，希望喘不过气来了。

太阳下山许久，我还痴痴地望着窗外，希望霎那间他又回来，用千万负的光亮，为我点亮希望之光。

我望着那些陈列在书架上的书，一脸的无奈，心里想拿一本翻来看看，可是手刚伸出去，就缩了回来。封面用强烈的眼光瞪了回来，因为他们想被翻阅的那炽热的心被我这个主人给冷却了。我败给了自己，它们无法进他们的责任来开导、鼓励我。这失败不仅是我单单一个人的悲哀，也是数不尽的书本看到了它们的葬身之地。他们已经牺牲了。