Showing posts with label Cambridge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cambridge. Show all posts

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Cambridge Diary XI

Pembroke Mile is an annual charity event held by the college. Like the London marathon, it is a day of funfair. Some people compete for the ultimate prize, while most others just turn up in fancy dresses and attempt to finish the race. Distance wise it is not particular challenging, but coming up with a good costume takes quite some preparation, and winning is not easy.

Matt suggested to me this crazy idea of completing the race as wheelbarrow. It sounded really ridiculous. There is no way that as a pair we can do that for a mile, so I turned it down. He then somehow persuaded Mark to do it with him, and started practicing on Saturday morning. They soon figured out it was quite difficult and instead of quitting, they asked me again if we can do it in the group of 3. I went down to try with them, and it wasn't THAT bad, and we sort of figured out some good ways of holding the crawling person. It was quite embarrassing as we inevitably drew some attention from some friends and a lot of tourists who were in college at that time. They really had a good laugh and definitely thought we were nuts. Even the Master saw us, and seemed unconvinced. At that point, we were not totally sure if it was all worthwhile. Naturally we thought of asking people for donation to our cause, which is a rather common thing here in the UK. That was the last persuasion needed, and I was on the team.

Matt put up some suggestive posters around the college. He also physically "pressured" quite a lot of friends to sign up. By the end of the day, we have around 100 pounds worth of pledges, which was pretty impressive for just one day of fund raising. He had done a really good job.

Then came the impossible task of completing the race itself. We started off really slowly, and had to stop much more frequently then we thought we would. The gloves we bought was torn well before the first 300 meters. However, there were some really supportive people with us and they encouraged us and cheered us along. We were really grateful for their support. We also tried different ways of doing it and just took a small distance at a time, and kept on rotating. My arms were hurting really badly almost right from the start, and I didn't know how I managed to continue to be able to doing all the carrying and crawling. A lot of people and small kids were literally laughing at us. The most difficult part of was the not the crawling but the carrying as there is no natural place to hold on to. I am also the weakest among the team and had to reply quite heavily on Matt and Mark, and somehow by sheer determination, craziness, the tolerance of pain and the thought of all the support we have received, we made it back to the College Hall to be received with applauses. And the free brunch was just awesome!

I would really like to thank everyone who has donated, and encouraged us. To be honest we looked really stupid, but I think it was worth it.

I'm off to collect my bike in the pitch now.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Cambridge Diary X

Nothing very interesting is happening in my life. Except I am having a Shadow for these few days, who is following to lectures and practicals. She has been to Cambridge before so things are not new to her. Think she was quite terrified by the 4 hours of lectures and 4 hours of practicals I had on Monday. Oh well. I am terrified myself.

There are some changes to people around me. A few of them got attached, and a few of them are not having too good a health. Wish them the best in everything.

Week 4 is coming to an end. I have now almost completed half of my undergraduate educations. These are the best years I am having, and so sad that days are kind of numbered now.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Cambridge Diary XI

As said earlier I'll be talking about being a parent. College and CUMSA parent of course. No matter how you look at it, this is a hugely interesting topic. I'll try to put everything clearly through without mentioning too many names.

I had parents of my own to begin with. CUMSA parents were sources of answer to my queries before I arrived. They also provided great support especially at the start of the term. Still remember the nice good Yongsheng always cooked last year. There were not much family gathering in any sense, and I would primarily attribute it to the dysfunctional family make up.

College families were a bit different. I have a grand total of 5 parents, 1 dad and 4 mums. That's definitely an super-alpha male here. Anyway, they are absolutely amazing people. A good bunch of friends, and are very caring to us. Sometimes I feel sorry for them because we as kids never clicked. One of us was outgoing and had great conversations with them. Another one was cool. Then there was another international student like me. Both of us are very shy to begin with and were by default limited in conversation topics. We tried some form of gathering other than the compulsory first two sessions, but they never worked out great. I still managed to see a great deal of them at Stokes talks, but nothing else interesting happened.

I'm not sure how typical our family was. From talking to other people the some really happening things occur in college families. Some kids seem to get along with their parents really well. There were not enough data to do any serious analysis, but I have to admit I was disappointed. The initial cultural and academic shock have put some irreversible damage to my social interactions. The effects are still reverberating up till now.

Now back to the main point of being a parent. We as the college parents are a group of close friends. Half were from my old CC corridor. And as per norm I have a very big college family, with six parents and five kids. We made sure it is a science only family with only Medic, Natsci, Compsci and Engineers. This was done to prevent possible estrangement in the family, or any split that would occur along the subject line.

We have some of the most amazing kids. They are nice to talk to, and great to mingle with. There are nobody who feel very left out or extremely quiet. First faimly night was great with great conversations. Then there was Much Ado About Nothing. Family formal followed by the Life, which was only the second time I went to clubbing in Cambridge. I have to admit it was rather fun. One of the dad was always busy, but he always provided us with all the outing ideas. The family ended the term in a high when we went to watch The Freshers Pantomine at the ADC. It was a great performance and better still to leave the memory with the family. The kids were so sweat that they bought us wine on that day. But the sad reality is that I'm not the person who can strike a conversation easily, and with the all persistent East-West cultural boundary I'm not very close to any of them. I still feel contented, but will try to do more.

The advantage of a big family is that there is a higher chance to get along with at least one person. The disadvantage is that, it's too big. Yes now i'll talk about the small CUMSA family. I only has one kid, and thus one wife, but at least this time the family had a proper gender ratio. I would have to say that my daughter and her mum are very similiar in many aspects. Both are very outgoing and sociable, and crazy to a certain extent. In fact, the daughter was doing so well in social life that I think she didn't really need a family to help her along. Don't get me wrong, She is very nice person and great to have conversations. But just that didn't "inhereit" much of my genes. The strange thing is that I didn't get to see my CUMSA family that much. Still to have some Singaporeans/Malaysians in college was great.

College family are most active during Michaelmas term. Its function will decay rapidly and approach zero after that. Nonetheless I hope there will be more family gathering, who won't?

Thursday, 21 October 2010

Cambridge Diary X

Somehow I only managed to pen 9 entries about my life in Cambridge last year. One year of undergraduate studies in an 800-years-old institution surely worth much more than that.

The workload may be a valid excuses. However, there are plenty of periods that I didn't do anything meaningful. Just sitting there mindlessly browsing the net or wandering from kitchen to toilet and my room.

I didn't upload any photos either. Any person reading this must be really bored. The blog probably stayed too true to its name; just writes. I am just too lazy to upload photos that were already uploaded onto facebook.

So much for the diversion. Anyway this year I'm living in an very old room in D staircase. It has sort of 2 parts: one for sleeping and one is sort of a living room (but no sofa). Size-wise I am very satisfied. It also has a slanted roof, and combined with its old age, can more or less give me some inspirations. Facilities wise it was horrible compared to last year. The gym room is small, toilet doesn't have a sink, and the bathroom literally just has one bath tub. For shower I need to go down all the way to the first floor. Good thing that on the staircase there are Daniel and Yongsheng so things are much easier and more convenient in a lot of ways.

On the work front, Monday, Wednesday and Friday are completely packed. After heeding advices from Dr Keeling and Guanghao I had chosen practicals to be on two separate afternoons. This would allow me the weekend to think through the experiments, but at the same time means traveling to Cavendish twice a week. This journey so far has been quite enjoyable in some sense as Pembroke physicists cycle together there. My supervisors are much better than last year. They know their stuff and are quite easy to talk to. However I need to prepare much more than just the supervision work and I have not been doing that.

Will probably leave it now as my eyes are trying too hard to stay open. Will talk about being a "parent" and other happenings.

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Cambridge Diary IX

May Week! :)

I have never seen a period of havoc like this before. The motto is “Party and alcohol”. Drunkenness is the new cool and sanity is a taboo. Seeing such things going around myself inevitably pulled me towards such craziness.

No I didn’t get drunk, or do anything stupid. The highest point reached is tipsy. I Played croquet for the first time (not while tipsy). This gentlemen sports is not so gentlemen after all, as we are supposed to sabotage each other. Friendship can be really tested here. There are the meetings with fellow Singaporean friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for such a long time due to my self imposed seclusion.

While “abandoned” by many of my friends who went travelling around the UK, I am “stuck” to find things to entertain myself. There are garden parties, sports and just random fun. Each has its own function during different time of the day.  The most fun of them is to play bridge with Paraic, Eunice, Andrew and Lizzie. While bridge is not new to me after playing for 4 to 5 years, it is different when the people change. The lack of seriousness and experience  makes each game very hilarious. Such activities dominate my May Week time, other than a short trip to Nottingham and Birmingham. The trip is decent but somehow I missed Cambridge during it, the kind of feeling you get when you miss home.

I wonder what is life for? We study hard and then play hard. We drink, we dance. “Some dance to remember, some dance to forget”. What do I do that for? Have I past that age that you can get truly crazy and let go of all the troubles at once. Or is it my inbuilt character? I just can’t do it.

There was a trip to Gardies with Paraic that would make me remember it. The behavior of that girl was truly disgusting. For a free burger she was willing to exchange herself in such a degrading way. While there was some salvage to my impression with Cambridge University on realizing she was a local, I most likely wont go back there again.

Saturday, 19 June 2010

Cambridge Diary VIII

Can’t think of a single word to describe this month. So much happened that all other months pale in comparison.

First is the all important Tripos. So overwhelming was it that basically I never stepped out of my room except for toilet and food. I deactivated Facebook. While the intention was to get me focused, other distractions such as games and Youtube proved more potent. The revision went alright nevertheless, until the exam started. Between each paper I didn’t do any revision, thinking that last minute study may make me nervous. The end result was that I forgot some basic information that could have helped me scored much more in Chemistry and Materials. Physics and Maths were not affected much. The result would be out on 25th this month, and I hope for the best. And judging by how the exam went, I will definitely be doing Physics and Maths next year.

Just as a reflection, next year I would definitely not lock myself up like this year. Studying together, at least for a few days a week would be really helpful. And studying in the library, as it would make me focused. My thinking just before the exam was right, but I should have taken the opportunity to rest my brain, instead of listening to music and surfing the Internet.

The end of exam was a a sweet moment. Some friends came to cheering for us in front of the entrance at the last day. Suddenly the realization that there are no more exams or supervision to worry about. The academic life as a fresher has ended.

There were so many people celebrating at that day as most of the NatSci finished on that day. Champagnes were popped everywhere and alcohol was downed like water. Although I disapprove alcohol consumption in general, this was perfectly understandable. Get drunk people, you deserved it!

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Cambridge Diary VII

The glorious weather!

Never seen so many sunny days in a row in Cambridge before! People are taking the opportunity to enjoy the sun on the lawn; be it a book, a friend or by oneself. This is certainly the most cheerful time of the year. Went punting again, and this time but this time the feeling is really different. The weather and people makes all the difference. Will play tennis soon, otherwise it is no justice for the hard work the sun has put in.

These few days are not too great though, with temperature dipping into the regions of 5 degrees Celsius. Nevertheless, still expecting more days with the sun out.

I came back to Cambridge before the volcano ash. A few friends were stuck until term has started. I bet if there’s a survey on what people think of each country right now, Iceland will come bottom of the list. I didn’t accomplish even close to a third of what I planned to study during the holiday. Most of the time was spent watching movies, and talking and sleeping.

Now the pressure came and that’s why I fell sick. Sore throat and cough and sneezing. Luckily this time the cold didn’t bring me down to fever. I think this blog will cease to be updated until late June.

Looking at it, the gap between this post and the last was not much shorter. Where did my April go?

Friday, 12 March 2010

Cambridge Diary VI

Lent term is over. It’s not over for me until after the 2 supervisions tomorrow. I will be packing and leaving this lovely town. It is definitely time to give a short hiatus to this mad pace. The feeling this time is a little bit different. Last term seems to have been forever, with all the excitement of new environment and friends. Then after the Christmas holiday, things just whoosh pass, and now here I am again for another holiday.

Oh well it will definitely not be a normal holiday. There are just so much to study and revise. I was barely afloat at the start of the term, and when the waves started coming in week 4 or 5 I was drowned immediately. Some people find it really easy though. Maybe they don’t find it “easy”, but they can juggle rowing, partying and study at the same time, when one of them would have easily killed me. If you are not smart enough, but pretend to be so by being in a good school, you know what I mean.

Enough said about how hard life is. Just want to give a brief summary the term. I had poorer time management. Did less work, and in the meantime socialized less as well. No idea where the time has gone too. I used to pace my work, so that I do not need to cram too much in one night. For this term, the situation is like this. The deadline is the next day, and I had not even started on a single question yet.

I will stop thinking about all these now and start packing.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Cambridge Diary V

There's a big Singaporean community in Cambridge. I'm not sure if its such a good thing though. Definitely it provides the feeling of home, and people to talk about topics I'd never be able to carry out with the locals. They are the best friends, to discuss homework, or rely upon when in need. On the contrast, do they in the process of making my life easier, have defeated the whole purpose of an overseas education?

On proposing this question, I am by no means alienating myself from them. This is just a discussion that has been going on in my mind for a long time. Firstly let's lay out the facts. CUMSA is a wonderful organization. Even before stepping foot on the foreign soil, it has made sure that we have made enough friends through meetings in Singapore. This has been especially helpful for a person like me who comes from a not so common school and college (cough cough). The broadened spectrum of friends enabled me to settle down very easily in the first few weeks. There's always a friendly person to approach with questions such as “where is the supermarket?” to “the cheapest Chinese restaurant in town”. The transition most Singaporean has, I believe, is smoother than lots of other international students, who face two obstacles: language and lack of friends.

Even after the initial period, they have never stopped being part my life. Formal swaps, cookout and endless other activities fill my calendar. All these seem wonderful, but don't they in the meantime alienate myself from the real college life? How many times have I taken the initiative to go to the JP to meet strangers? Not many that I can recall. Certainly it has lots to do with my personality, and there's always the cultural difference. But the common mentality is that if I already have a group of wonderful friends, why bother making more, especially other things such as work occupy a great deal of my time already. There's a Chinese saying that goes “if a person wants be extraordinary, he/she has to undergo extraordinary hardship”. (The translation is not great.) While it looks like I have had an easy life so far here, that I am not inclined to take the great leap forward.

I may be taking the argument in a screwed way, with the following analogy. A wartime general or president has led the country through the most difficult times in its history. He battled against all odds to ensure the country survived to see the end of war. His achievement is remarkable and undeniable. Does this necessarily guarantee that he should be the leader for the country after the war? Many historic evidence gives the answer no (or well, it depends).

If ever you think that the Singaporean community is a “shackle” now to my “pursuit of freedom”, you are definitely mistaken. Experience in an overseas life is precious. We shall explore and meet new friends while it is still possible.

Monday, 7 December 2009

再别康桥


马蹄踏过石板街道
窄巷深处有人祷告
雨后水洼教堂倾倒
意识流的四十度角

图书馆前站着半座石雕
六个便士带走一副素描
壁炉终日孤独吐着火苗
煤油灯下岁月不被惊扰

你在剑桥一身寂寞穿黑色学袍
你用诗句歌唱爱情押美丽韵脚
一船星辉见证那个古典的拥抱
那片水草还在怀念你撑的长蒿

你在剑桥半生寂寞穿中国长袍
你用诗句告别爱情押绝望韵脚
谁的衣袖带走那片云彩的来到
离别笙萧那样沉默像一种凭吊

红砖墙壁紫藤缠绕
垂柳摇醒两岸拂晓
怀旧风琴失传民谣
中世纪就开始苍老

广场鸽子仰望天空思考
歌特尖塔勾勒末世线条
故事流过落日的叹息桥
诗人的爱还在唱咏叹调

你在剑桥一身寂寞穿黑色学袍
你用诗句歌唱爱情押美丽韵脚
一船星辉见证那个古典的拥抱
那片水草还在怀念你撑的长蒿

你在剑桥半生寂寞穿中国长袍
你用诗句告别爱情押绝望韵脚
谁的衣袖带走那片云彩的来到
离别笙萧那样沉默像一种凭吊

你在剑桥一身寂寞穿黑色学袍
你用诗句歌唱爱情押美丽韵脚
一船星辉见证那个古典的拥抱
那片水草还在怀念你撑的长蒿

你在剑桥半生寂寞穿中国长袍
你用诗句告别爱情押绝望韵脚
谁的衣袖带走那片云彩的来到
离别笙萧那样沉默像一种凭吊

Sunday, 6 December 2009

再别康桥(转载)

徐志摩

轻轻的我走了,
正如我轻轻的来;
我轻轻的招手,
作别西天的云彩。
那河畔的金柳,
是夕阳中的新娘,
波光里的艳影,
在我的心头荡漾。
软泥上的青荇,
油油的在水底招摇;
在康河的柔波里,
我甘心做一条水草!
那榆阴下的一潭,
不是清泉,是天上虹;
揉碎在浮藻间,
沉淀着彩虹似的梦。
寻梦?撑一支长篙,
向青草更青处漫溯,
满载一船星辉,
在星辉斑斓里放歌。
但我不能放歌,
悄悄是别离的笙箫;
夏虫也为我沉默,
沉默是今晚的康桥!
悄悄的我走了,
正如我悄悄的来;
我挥一挥衣袖,
不带走一片云彩。
正如我轻轻的来;
我轻轻的招手,
作别西天的云彩。
那河畔的金柳,
是夕阳中的新娘,
波光里的艳影,
在我的心头荡漾。
软泥上的青荇,
油油的在水底招摇;
在康河的柔波里,
我甘心做一条水草!
那榆阴下的一潭,
不是清泉,是天上虹;
揉碎在浮藻间,
沉淀着彩虹似的梦。
寻梦?撑一支长篙,
向青草更青处漫溯,
满载一船星辉,
在星辉斑斓里放歌。
但我不能放歌,
悄悄是别离的笙箫;
夏虫也为我沉默,
沉默是今晚的康桥!
悄悄的我走了,
正如我悄悄的来;
我挥一挥衣袖,
不带走一片云彩。

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Cambridge Diary IV

Now the true reason for not updating the blog. It is WORK! As a Natsci, there are 12 lectures (14 for the last 3 weeks), 4 supervisions and 3 sessions of practical in a week. These add up to more than 25 hours. Doesn’t sound a lot? Of course because they do not take into account the amount of time I take to understand the lecture notes, read up textbooks and doing the supervision questions. Worst of all I have Saturday lectures! That basically ruins half of my weekend and I only get 1 night of decent sleep. Definition of decent sleep: sleep until I am awake.

That is not the whole story. As all Natsci have to take 4 subjects in the first year, I was undecided between Materials and Compsci. Months at IMRE did not give me any motivation for Materials, but I have not done any programming before. As the decision time came, I just thought about giving Compsci a try. It turned out to be a disastrous decision. The lectures made sense, notes are not hard to understand, the first two practicals are deceivingly simple. BUT, it’s a big but here. I have no idea how to do the questions. Not even the faintest idea. And there is the scary logic part. If something then one thing otherwise something else. As you can see, clearly my logic is not there. If this is not worrying enough, there is another even more worrying fact. Almost everyone taking Compsci has prior programming knowledge. Lots of people say it doesn’t matter but I seriously doubt so. Using my weakness against others’ strength is no joke, especially smart people. I could still have gone for it. But remember there is Astar sitting on top of everything.

My decision was to switch. That included arranging meeting with my DoS and persuading him. This thing really stressed me for about 1 week, as he thought I was making a rash decision. In the end after my switch was final, I was left in another mess. I am two weeks behind the materials work. Just like a peddle dropped into the water, this event has far reaching effect on other subjects and I was doing catching up for another 1 to 2 weeks.

Now that the term is ending, I am positive that the switch is a good decision. I am learning interesting topics just as magnetism and x-ray diffraction. To be honest, I don’t understand quite a lot still, but just like other subjects, I will be spending a good proportion of holiday revising and consolidating. A good holiday plan?

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Cambridge Diary III

What is the social life like in Cambridge? One word to describe them all---“booze”. Probably it explains a bit why I was not updating regularly. (No I will touch on the true reason maybe in the next entry).

Pub crawl is the first heavy drinking game that I participated in the Freshers’ Week. As the name suggests, we just go to pubs after pubs on the same night. Drinking games are played and most of them involved “downing” your drink. It is scary in many different ways. Firstly I am shocked at the sheer volume and the need to finish it pretty much in one breath. Also the shock increased exponentially when I saw how effortlessly the others can do it. It seems I’m in a fictional land where the God of alcohol has come alive. Anyway back to reality. I had to settle for coke and plain water half of the time, just to stay sane. As we progressed, more people had gotten drunk, and they just started doing strange things like cramming into the phone booth and climbing lamp post. Seriously I think it is not fun either as a by stander or the main “protagonist”.

Then there’s drinking in everyday life. Party is taking place at a friend’s room, and everyone is enjoying themselves with alcohol. There are also various drinking games such as ring of fire, that can be played perfectly fine without any booze but somehow have to involve them. No alcohol equals no fun. However, there is an absolutely a personal choice whether to drink or not.

The most famous part of drinking in Cambridge has to be “pennying”. Wikipedia actually has an entry on it. The rules may not make much sense, but it can be summarized in a few sentences. In a formal hall or drinking game, if a penny is dropped into a glass of drink, the owner has to down the glass to “save the queen”. She is drowning! Other rules such as back penny, double penny or catching the penny in the teeth are just additional clauses to prevent mayhem. Just like the architecture and gowns and formals, this game is a hallmark of Cambridge. It is somewhat banned in my college formals but nobody really cares. It really got me really giddy a few times, and I have definitely consumed more alcohol within the first few weeks here than my entire life.

Monday, 2 November 2009

About Natsci

Chemistry has been fascinating;

Materials and Mineral Science interesting and overloaded with information;

Mathematics difficult and boring;

Physics uninspiring.

Saturday, 10 October 2009

Cambridge Diary II

I announce that I am now a member of Pembroke College, for life. That's according to the Master at least.

There is no point talking about undergraduate studies in Cambridge without mentioning my college. Most people I guess would end up feeling much more attached to their colleges than the university itself. The strength of the education is amplified here. The forging of bonds can take place easily here within the small community. Knowledge are passed down in the unique fashion of supervision. Of course what everyone makes out of these varies greatly, but the platform is there for everyone.

The architecture in Pembroke is breathtaking. It doesn't have the grandeur of King's or the enormity of St John's. But the layout makes me feel like home, as compared to living in a vast castle, which would be intimidating. Gardens are neat, and the lawn on the courts on so neatly maintained that not even a stray leaf can be found. The bright colours of green and red are especially soothing to see in autumn. The age of the college also give rises the other “abnormality”.Most of the staircases would crack and crick when I walk on them, and there are portraits of Masters hanging on the walls in the Hall. And I get to hear jokes about C and rumours of other colleges.

The culture here is strange. I bet J K Rowling borrowed heavily from Oxbridge when writing Harry Potter. Gown must be worn during matriculation, and everyone has to pen their names on this giant book that looks like it's centuries old. The pen was also of old style. I was so lucky to write my name in both English and Chinese. And the matriculation photograph looks almost like graduation photograph in some sense, as we were all wearing gowns as well. The formal hall is also very unique, with bells ringing to signal the entrance of the Master, and followed by some words in Latin, before anything is served. In the middle of the meal the same thing would happen again if he wants to leave or make a speech. People may call those “quirks”. But to me, these people are just purely jealous.

Description is incomplete without pictures. Please go the Facebook and see the pictures I have taken. They are not great, but will give a rough idea of what a college is like.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Cambridge Diary I

Despite the title, it has to start with Singapore. After years of not so pleasant tropical heat, I am going to a place with an even worse reputation in terms of weather. The smog is so bad that the Chinese translate of “Oliver Twist” is 雾都孤儿, which means “orphan in a city of smog”. Actually I don't believe in all these. My 9 months stay in Brighton ten years ago convinced me. It might just be London, or not even London nowadays.

Many people would disagree with me, but I still have to say nonetheless. Weather would not be an obstacle if you want to achieve something. The years of humidity and thunderstorm have made me a tougher and more independent person. It has nurtured me, to appreciate things you have instead of chasing dreams that are never going to come true. On the island that is shaped like a boat, I have chartered a journey with my youth. And somehow ironically I'm sailing away, literally.

I would really like to thank everybody whom I have crossed path with. I may not look like a friendly person, but I am really inside. I may have offended you and have not apologized you, please tell me if you are among them, as seriously I am really bad with such things. There are may be so many other occasions that friction would have occurred, but there seems so little time to amend or repair.

To those people who have come to send me off, I would like to say a big thank you. You have helped me to go the next phase of my life with a lot of confidence. There is still a place for me if I fail or fall back. I am undeterred by the challenges, especially with so much support.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

康桥,再会吧(转载)

徐志摩一首关于剑桥的诗

我心头盛满了别离的情绪,
你是我难得的知己,我当年
辞别家乡父母,登太平洋去,
(算来一秋二秋,已过了四度
春秋,浪迹在海外,美土欧洲)
扶桑风色,檀香山芭蕉况味,
平波大海,开拓我心胸神意,
如今都变了梦里的山河,
渺茫明灭,在我灵府的底里;
我母亲临别的泪痕,她弱手
向波轮远去送爱儿的巾色,
海风咸味,海鸟依恋的雅意,
尽是我记忆的珍藏,我每次
摩按,总不免心酸泪落,便想
理箧归家,重向母怀中匐伏,
回复我天伦挚爱的幸福;
我每想人生多少跋涉劳苦,
多少牺牲,都只是枉费无补,
我四载奔波,称名求学,毕竟
在知识道上,采得几茎花草,
在真理山中,爬上几个峰腰,
钧天妙乐,曾否闻得,彩红色,
可仍记得?——但我如何能回答?
我但自喜楼高车快的文明,
不曾将我的心灵污抹,今日
我对此古风古色,桥影藻密,
依然能坦胸相见,惺惺惜别。

康桥,再会吧!
你我相知虽迟,然这一年中
我心灵革命的怒潮,尽冲泻
在你妩媚河身的两岸,此后
清风明月夜,当照见我情热
狂溢的旧痕,尚留草底桥边,
明年燕子归来,当记我幽叹
音节,歌吟声息,缦烂的云纹
霞彩,应反映我的思想情感,
此日撤向天空的恋意诗心,
赞颂穆静腾辉的晚景,清晨
富丽的温柔;听!那和缓的钟声
解释了新秋凉绪,旅人别意,
我精魂腾跃,满想化人音波,
震天彻地,弥盖我爱的康桥,
如慈母之于睡儿,缓抱软吻;
康桥!汝永为我精神依恋之乡!
此去身虽万里,梦魂必常绕
汝左右,任地中海疾风东指,
我亦必纡道西回,瞻望颜色;
归家后我母若问海外交好,
我必首数康桥,在温清冬夜
蜡梅前,再细辨此日相与况味;
设如我星明有福,素愿竟酬,
则来春花香时节,当复西航,
重来此地,再捡起诗针诗线,
绣我理想生命的鲜花,实现
年来梦境缠绵的销魂足迹,
散香柔韵节,增媚河上风流;
故我别意虽深,我愿望亦密,
昨宵明月照林,我已向倾吐
心胸的蕴积,今晨雨色凄清,
小鸟无欢,难道也为是怅别
情深,累藤长草茂,涕泪交零!

康桥!山中有黄金,天上有明星,
人生至宝是情爱交感,即使
山中金尽,天上星散,同情还
永远是宇宙间不尽的黄金,
不昧的明星;赖你和悦宁静
的环境,和圣洁欢乐的光阴,
我心我智,方始经爬梳洗涤,
灵苗随春草怒生,沐日月光辉,
听自然音乐,哺啜古今不朽
——强半汝亲栽育——的文艺精英;
恍登万丈高峰,猛回头惊见
真善美浩瀚的光华,覆翼在
人道蠕动的下界,朗然照出
生命的经纬脉络,血赤金黄,
尽是爱主恋神的辛勤手绩;
康桥!你岂非是我生命的泉源?
你惠我珍品,数不胜数;最难忘
骞士德顿桥下的星磷坝乐,
弹舞殷勤,我常夜半凭阑干,
倾听牧地黑野中倦牛夜嚼,
水草间鱼跃虫嗤,轻挑静寞;
难忘春阳晚照,泼翻一海纯金,
淹没了寺塔钟楼,长垣短堞,
千百家屋顶烟突,白水青田,
难忘茂林中老树纵横;巨干上
黛薄茶青,却教斜刺的朝霞,
抹上些微胭脂春意,忸怩神色;
难忘七月的黄昏,远树凝寂,
象墨泼的山形,衬出轻柔螟色,
密稠稠,七分鹅黄,三分桔绿,
那妙意只可去秋梦边缘捕捉;
难忘榆荫中深宵清啭的诗禽,
一腔情热,教玫瑰噙泪点首,
满天星环舞幽吟,款住远近
浪漫的梦魂,深深迷恋香境;
难忘村里姑娘的腮红颈白;
难忘屏绣康河的垂柳婆娑,
娜娜的克莱亚,硕美的校友居;
——但我如何能尽数,总之此地
人天妙合,虽微如寸芥残垣,
亦不乏纯美精神:流贯其间,
而此精神,正如宛次宛土所谓
“通我血液,浃我心脏,”有“镇驯
矫饬之功”;我此去虽归乡土,
而临行怫怫,转若离家赴远;
康桥!我故里闻此,能弗怨汝
僭爱,然我自有谠言代汝答付;
我今去了,记好明春新杨梅
上市时节,盼望我含笑归来,
再见吧,我爱的康桥。

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

我所知道的康桥(转载)

如果一切顺利,下个月底要飞到剑桥去读书了,为此特别找了徐志摩的一篇关于剑桥的散文来看看。里面有些词语的翻译跟现在不太一样。

(一)

我这一生的周折,大都寻得出感情的线索。不论别的,单说求学。我到英国是为要从卢梭。卢麦来中国时,我已经在美国。他那不确的死耗传到的时候,我真的出眼泪不够,还做悼诗来了。他没有死,我自然高兴。我摆脱了哥仑比亚大博士衔的引诱,买船票过大两洋, 想跟这位二十世纪的福禄泰尔认真念一点书去。谁知一到英国才知道事情变样了:一为他在战时主张和平,二为他离婚,卢梭叫康桥给除名了,他原来是Trinity College的fellow,这来他的fellowship的也给取消,他回英国后就在伦敦住下,夫妻两人卖文章过日子。因此我也不曾遂我从学的始愿。我在伦敦政治经济学院里混了半年,正感着闷想换路走的时候,我认识了狄更生先生。狄更生——Goldsworthy Lowes Dickinson——是一个有名的作者,他的《一个中国人通信》(Letters from John Chinaman)与《一个现代聚餐谈话》(A Modern Symposium)两本小册子早得了我的景仰。我第一次会着他是在伦敦国际联盟协会席上,那天林宗孟先生演说,他做主席;第二次是宗孟寓里吃茶,有他。以后我常到他家里去。他看出我的烦闷,劝我到康桥去,他自己是王家”学院(King's College)的fellow。我就写信去问两个学院,回信都说学额早满了,随后还是狄更生先生替我去在他的学院里说好了,给我一个特别生的资格,随意选科听讲。从此黑方巾、黑披袍的风光也被我占着了。初起我在离康桥六英里的乡下叫沙士顿地方租了几间小屋住下,同居的有我从前的夫人张幼仪女士与郭虞裳君。每天一早我坐街车(有时自行车)上学,到晚回家。这样的生活过了一个春,但我在康桥还只是个陌生人谁都不认识。康桥的生活,可以说完全不曾尝着,我知道的只是一个图书馆,几个课室,和三两个吃便宜饭的茶食铺子。狄更生常在伦敦或是大陆上,所以也不常见他。那年的秋季我一个人回到康桥整整有一学年,那时我才有机会接近真正的康桥生活,同时我也慢慢的“发见”了康桥。我不曾知道过更大的愉快。

(二)

“单独”是一个耐寻味的现象。我有时想它是任何发见的第一个条件。你要发见你的朋友的“真”,你得有与他单独的机会。你要发见你自己的真,你得给你自己一个单独的机会。你要发见一个(地方地方一样有灵性),你也得有单独玩的机会。我们这一辈子,认真说,能认识几个人?能认识几个地方?我们都是太匆忙,太没有单独的机会。说实话,我连我的本乡都没有什么了解。康桥我要算是有相当交情的,再次许只有新认识的翡冷翠了。啊,那些清晨,那些黄昏,我一个人发痴似的在康桥!绝对的单独。

但一个人要写他最心爱的对象,不论是人是地,是多么使他为难的一个工作?你怕,你怕描坏了它,你怕说过分了恼了它,你怕说太谨慎了辜负了它。我现在想写康桥,也正是这样的心理,我不曾写,我就知道这回是写不好——况且又是临时逼出来的事情。但我却不能不写,上期预告已经出去了。我想勉强分两节写:一是我所知道的康桥的天然景色;一是我所知道的康桥的学生生活。我今晚只能极简的写些,等以后有兴会时再补。

(三)

康桥的灵性全在一条河上;康河,我敢说是全世界最秀丽的一条水。河的名字是葛兰大(Granta),也有叫康河(River Cam)的,许有上下流的区别,我不甚清楚。河身多的是曲折,上游是有名的拜伦潭——“Byron's Pool”——当年拜伦常在那里玩的;有一个老村子叫格兰骞斯德,有一个果子园,你可以躺在累累的桃李荫下吃茶,花果会吊入你的茶杯,小雀子会到你桌上来啄食,那真是别有一番天地。这是上游;下游是从骞斯德顿下去,河面展开,那是春夏间竞舟的场所。上下河分界处有一个坝筑,水流急得很,在星光下听水声,听近村晚钟声,听河畔倦牛刍草声,是我康桥经验中最神秘的上种:大自然的优美、宁静,调谐在这星光与波光的默契中不期然的淹入了你的性灵。

但康河的精华是在它的中权,著名的“Backs”,这两岸是几个最蜚声的学院的建筑。从上面一来是Pembroke, St. Katharine's, King's,Clare, Trinity, St. John's。最令人留连的一节是克莱亚与王家学院的毗连处,克莱亚的秀丽紧邻着王家教堂(King's Chapel)的闳伟。别的地方尽有更美更庄严的建筑,例如巴黎赛因河的罗浮宫一带,威尼斯的利阿尔多大桥的两岸,翡冷翠维基乌大桥的周遭;但康桥的“Backs”自有它的特长,这不容易用一二个状词来概括,它那脱尽尘埃气的一种清澈秀逸的意境可说是超出了画图而化生龙活虎音乐的神味。再没有比这一群建筑更调谐更匀称的了!论画,可比的许只有柯罗(Corot)的田野;论音乐,可比的许只有萧班(Chopin)的夜曲。就这也不能给你依稀的印象,它给你的美感简直是神灵性的一种。

假如你站在王家学院桥边的那棵大桔树荫下眺望,右侧面,隔着一大方浅草坪,是我们的校友居(fellow's building),那年代并不早,但它的妩媚也是不可掩的,它那苍白的石壁上春夏间满缀着艳色的蔷薇在和风中摇颤,更移左是那教堂,森林似的尖阁不可涣的永远直指着天空;更左是克莱亚,啊!那不可信的玲珑的方庭,谁说这不是圣克莱亚(St. Clare)的化身,那一块石上不闪耀着她当年圣洁的精神?在克莱亚后背隐约可辨的是康桥最潢贵最骄纵的三清学院(Trinity),它那临河的图书楼上坐镇着拜伦神采惊人的雕像。

但这时你的注意早已叫克莱亚的三环洞桥魔术似的摄祝你见过西湖白堤上的西泠断桥不是?(可怜它们早已叫代表近代丑恶精神的汽车公司给铲平了,现在它们跟着苍凉的雷峰永远离别了人间。)你忘不了那桥上斑驳的苍苔,木栅的古色,与那桥拱下泄露的湖光与山色不是?克莱亚并没有那样体面的衬托,它也不比庐山楼贤寺旁的观音桥,上瞰五老的奇峰,下临深潭与飞瀑;它只是怯伶伶的一座三环洞的小桥,它那桥洞间也只掩映着细纹的波鳞与婆娑的树影,它那桥上栉比的小穿兰与兰节顶上双双的白石球,也只是村姑子头上不夸张的香草与野花一类的装饰;但你凝神的看着,更凝神的看着,你再反省你的心境,看还有一丝屑的俗念沾滞不?只要你审美的本能不曾汩灭时,这是你的机会实现纯粹美感的神奇!

但你还得选你赏鉴的时辰。英国的天时与气候是走极端的。冬天是荒谬的坏,逢着连绵的雾盲天你一定不迟疑的甘愿进地狱本身去试试;春天(英国是几乎没有夏天的)是更荒谬的可爱,尤其是它那四五月问最渐缓最艳丽的黄昏,那才真是寸寸黄金。在康河边上过一个黄昏是一服灵魂的补剂。啊!我那时蜜甜的单独,那时蜜甜的闲暇。一晚又一晚的,只见我出神似的倚在桥栏上向西天凝望:

看一回凝静的桥影,
数一数螺钿的波纹;
我倚暖了石栏的青苔,
青苔凉透了我的心坎...

还有几句更笨重的怎能仿佛那游丝似轻妙的情景:

难忘七月的黄昏,远树凝寂,
像墨泼的山形,衬出轻柔瞑色,
密稠稠,七分鹅黄,三分橘绿,
那妙意只可去秋梦边缘捕捉,...

(四)

这河身的两岸都是四季常青最葱翠的草坪。从校友居楼上望去,对岸草场上,不论早晚,永远有十数匹黄牛与白马,胫蹄没在恣蔓的草丛中,从容的在咬嚼,星星的黄花在风中动荡,应和着它们尾鬃的扫拂。桥的两端有斜倚的垂柳与桔荫护祝水是彻底的清澄,深不足四尺,匀匀的长着长条的水草。这岸边的草坪又是我的爱宠,在清朝,在傍晚,我常去这天然的织锦上坐地,有时读书,有时看水;有时仰卧着看天空的行去,有时反仆着搂抱大地的温软。

但河上的风流还不止两岸的秀丽,你买船去玩。船不止一种:有普通的双浆划船,有轻快的薄皮舟(canoe),有最别致的长形撑篙船(punt)。最末的一种是别处不常有的:约莫有二丈长,三尺宽,你站直在船梢上用长竿撑着走的。这撑是一种技术。我手脚太蠢,始终不曾学会。你初起手尝试时,容易把船身横住在河中,东颠西撞的狼狈。英国人是不轻易开口笑人的,但是小心他们不出声的绉眉!也不知有多少次河中本来优闲的秩序叫我这莽撞的外行给捣乱了。我真的始终不曾学会;每回我不服输跑去租船再试的时候,有一个白胡子的船家往往带讥讽的对我说:“先生,这撑船费劲,天热累人,还是拿个薄皮舟溜溜吧!”我那里肯听话,长篙子一点就把船撑了开去,结果还是把河身一段段的腰斩了去。

你站在桥上去看人家撑,那多不费劲,多美!尤其在礼拜天有几个专家的女郎,穿一身缟素衣服,裙裾在风前悠悠的飘着,戴一顶宽边的薄纱帽,帽影在水草间颤动,你看她们出桥洞时的姿态,捻起一根竟像没分量的长竿,只轻轻的,不经心的往波心里一点,身子徽微的一蹲,这船身便波的转出了桥影,翠条鱼似的向前滑了去。她们那敏捷,那轻盈,真是值得歌咏的。

在初夏阳光渐暖时你去买一支小船,划去桥边荫下躺着念你的书或是做你的梦,槐花香在水面上飘浮,鱼群的唼喋声在你的耳边挑逗。或是在初秋的黄昏,近着新月的寒光,望上流僻静处远去。爱热闹的少年们揣着他们的女友,在船沿上支着双双的东洋红纸灯,带着话匣子,船心里用软垫铺着,也开向无人迹处去享他们的野福——谁不爱听那水底翻的音乐在静定的河上描写梦意与春光!

住惯城市的人不易知道季候的变迁。看见叶子掉知道是秋,看见叶子绿知道是春;天冷了装炉子,天热了拆炉子;脱下棉袍,换上夹袍,脱下夹袍,芽上单袍;不过如此罢了。天上星斗的消息,地下泥土里的消息,空中风吹的消息,都不关我们的事。忙着哪,这样那样事情多着,谁耐烦管星星的移转,花草的消长喂,风云的变幻?同时我们抱怨我们的生活、苦痛、烦闷、拘束、枯燥,谁肯承认做人是快乐?谁不多少间咒诅人生?

但不满意的生活大都是由于自取的。我是一个生命的信仰者,我信生活决不是我们大多数人仅仅从自身经验推得的那样暗惨。我们的病根是在“忘本”。人是自然的产儿,就比枝头的花与鸟是自然的产儿,但我们不幸是文明人,入世深似一天,离自然远似一天。离开了泥土的花草,离开了水的鱼,能快活吗?能生存吗?从大自然,我们取得我们的生命;从大自然,我们应分取得我们继续的资养。那一株婆娑的大木没有盘错的根只深入在无尽藏的地里?我们是永远不能独立的。有幸福是永远不离母亲抚育的孩子,有健康是永远接近自然的人们。不必一定与鹿豕游,不必一定回“洞府”去;为医治我们当前生活的枯窘,只要“不完全遗忘自然”一张轻淡的药方我们的病象就有缓和的希望。在青草里打几个滚,到海水里洗几次浴,到高处去看几次朝霞与晚照——你肩背上的负担就会轻松了去的。

这是极肤浅的道理;当然。但我要没有过过康桥的日子,我就不会有这样的自信。我这一辈子就只那一春,说也可怜,算是不曾虚度。就只那一春,我的生活是自然的,是真愉快的!(虽则碰巧那也是我最感受人生痛苦的时期。)我那时有的是闲暇,有的是自由,有的是绝对单独的机会。说也奇怪,竟像是第一次,我辨认了星月的光明,草的青,花的香,流水的殷勤我能忘记那初春的睥赐吗?曾经有多少个清晨我独自冒着冷去薄霜铺地的林子里闲步——为听鸟语,为盼朝阳,为寻泥土里渐次苏醒的花草,为体会最微细最神妙的春信。啊,那是新来的画眉在那边调不尽的青枝上试它的新声!啊,这是第一朵小雪球花挣出了半冻的地面!啊,这不是新来的潮润沾上了寂寞的柳条?

静极了,这朝来水溶溶的大道,只远处牛奶车的铃声,点缀这周遭的沉默。顺着这大道走去,走到尽头,再转入林子目里的小径,往烟雾浓密处走去,头顶是交枝的榆荫,透露着漠楞楞的曙色;再往前走去,走尽这林子,当前是平坦的原野,望见村舍,初青的麦田,更远三两个镘形的小山掩住了一条通道。天边是雾茫茫的,尖尖的黑影是近村的教寺。听,那晓钟和缓的清音。这一带是此帮中部的平原,地形像是海里的轻波,默沉沉的起伏;山岭是望不见的,有的是常青的草原与沃腴的田壤。登那土阜上望去,康桥只是一带茂林,拥戴着几处娉婷的尖阁。妩媚的康河也望不见踪迹,你只能循着那锦带似的林木想像那一流清浅。村舍与树林是这地盘上的棋子,有村舍处有佳音,有佳荫处有村舍。这早起是看炊烟的时辰;朝雾渐渐的升起,揭开了这灰苍苍的天幕(最好是微汲后的光景),远近的炊烟,成丝的、成缕的、成卷的、轻快的、迟重的、浓灰的、淡青的、惨白的,在静定的朝气里渐渐的上腾,渐渐的不见,仿佛是朝来人们的祈祷,参差的翳入了天听。朝阳是难得见的,这初春的天气。但它来时是起早人莫大的愉快。顷刻间这周遭弥漫了清晨富丽的温柔。顷刻间你的心怀也分润了白天诞生的光荣。 “春”!这胜利的晴空仿佛在你的耳边私语。 ”春“!你那快活的灵魂也仿佛在那里回响。

(五)

伺候着河上的风光,这春来一天有一天的消息。关心石上的苔痕,关心败草里的花鲜,关心这水流的缓急,关心水草的滋长,关心天上的云霞,关心新来的鸟语。怯伶伶的小雪球是探春信的小使。铃兰与香草是欢喜的初声。窈窕的莲馨,玲珑的石水仙,爱热闹的克罗克斯,耐辛苦的蒲公英与雏菊——这时候春光已是烂缦在人间,更不须殷勤问讯。

瑰丽的春放。这是你野游的时期。可爱的路政,这里不比中国,那一处不是坦荡荡的大道?徒步是一个愉快,但骑自转车是一个更大的愉快,在康桥骑车是普遍的技术;妇人、稚子、老翁,一致享受这双轮舞的快乐。(在康桥听说自转车是不怕人偷的,就为人人都自己有车,没人要偷。)任你选一个方向,任你上一条通道,顺着这带草味的和风,放轮远去,保管你这半天的逍遥是你性灵的补剂。这道上有的是清荫与美草,随地都可以供你休憩。你如爱花,这这里的是锦绣似的草原。你如爱鸟,这里多的是巧啭的鸣禽。你如爱儿童,这乡间到处是可亲的稚子。你如爱人情,这里多的是不嫌远客的乡人,你到期处可以“挂单”借宿,有酪浆与嫩薯供你饱餐,有夺目的果鲜恣你尝新。你如爱酒,这乡间每“望”都为你储有上好的新酿,黑啤如太浓,苹果酒、蕃酒都是供你解渴润肺的。……带一卷书,走十里路,选一块清静地,看天,听鸟,读书,倦了时,和身在草绵绵处寻梦去——你能想像更适情更适性的消遣吗?

陆放翁有一联诗句:“传呼快马迎新月,却上轻舆趁晚凉”;这是做地方官的风流。我在康桥时虽没马骑,没轿子坐,却也有我的风流:我常常在夕阳西晒时骑了车迎着天边扁大的日头直追。日头是追不到的,我没有夸父的荒诞,但晚景的温存却被我这样偷尝了不少。有三两幅画图似的经验至今还是栩栩的留着。只说看夕阳,我们平常只知道登山或是临海,但实际只须耳阔的天际,平地上的晚霞有时也是一样的神奇。有一次我赶到一个地方,手把着一家村庄的篱笆,隔着一大田的麦浪,看西天的变幻。有一次是正冲着一条宽广的大道,过来一大群羊,放草归来的,偌大的太阳在它们后背放射着万缕的金辉,天上却是乌青青的,剩这不可逼视的威光中的一条大路、一群生物,我心头顿时感着神异性的压迫,我真的跪下了,对着这冉冉渐翳的金光。再有一次是更不可忘的奇景,那是临着一大片望不到头的草原,满开着艳红的罂粟,在青草里亭亭像是万盏的金光,阳光从褐色云斜着过来,幻成一种异样紫色,透明似的不可逼视,霎那间在我迷眩了的视觉中,这草田变成了……不说也罢,说来你们也是不信的!

一别二年多了,康桥,谁知我这思乡的隐忧?也想不别的,我只要那晚钟撼动的黄昏,没遮拦的田野,独自斜倚在软草里,看第一个大星在天边出现!

十五年一月十五日